Poetry Witch

You come to me in my dreams

To tell me you love me

And that you’re okay

That you don’t need my body

But that you want my heart and soul

Then I wake up to see

Nothing to read from you

That what I dreamed would never

Actually happen in real life

And I go stalk my shipping notifications

If you dont want the wild

Love of my heart

Overflowing out into your hands

If you wanted the watered down

version of what I have to offer

Not the version I want to give

If you think

I’m just too much

Then let me go

Where someone will love

Me being who I am

My truest authentic self

If you just wanted the watered down version

Then don’t awaken

The soft and tender person

I long to be with others

My true vulnerable self

Like water in your palms

The empty feeling inside my stomach

Helps to hide the other feelings

Of emptiness that I encounter

On a daily

Weekly

Monthly

Yearly

Basis

And as I sip and wonder

When will I start to disappear

Right before everyone’s eyes

I only hope it happens

before they even realize

What I put myself through

In order to numb

Tttttouch me babe

Can’t you see that I am afraid?

There were some promises that we made

But we both knew

It would never be the same

Laying next to you

Sweet bodies entangled

Wishing these moments weren’t so few

But our love was strangled

Oh I wish we both knew

You believe you showed love

You believe you showed kindness

But all you showed me was your

Dick pics

And all you showed me was

Porn links I didn’t ask for

And whined when I said I didn’t ask to see it

To not send me porn I didn’t ask for

That I was making fun of your fantasies

And that I was belittling our sexual desires

All without ever indulging any of my own Fantasies and desires

To be looked at and touched

Like I’m soft

Like I matter

Like I am cherished

Subject : No more 5/22/2021
i cant do this anymore. i cant.

i cant deal with the heartbreak and pain you bring me and the excuses and gaslighting. i just cant deal with it anymore. this time you broke my heart beyond repair. i was so broken before, i was depressed when we were just fwb. the whole just sex thing broke me down so much and i hurt for so long. especially when you let me stay over that night, let me shower. all you could think about was putting your hands all over me and attempt to have sex with me when all i needed was someone who gave a shit about me. yeah for the most part you did that night but i cant get over the fact you tried to fuck me at my lowest. like you were trying to take advantage of the whole situation. all i craved was to be close to you in a non sexual way that night. i wanted to experience a peaceful night, not waking up every half hour thinking someone was gonna knock on my window and question me or tell me to move along. and you still do it to me. wake me up wanting sex. when all i really want is physical intamacy and to feel a loving and caring touch. it kills me. it kills me deep down inside.


it was the reason i got into sugar in the first place. i figured if i culdnt have love i could at least trade youth and sex for things. i thought i could go on in life without having someone care about me and just ignore everything. And now the empty feeling is intensified. Because I’m still a whore for pay. I’m still not touched in the way I’ve craved. I’d rather not deal with the pain and rejection from you any longer. I’m done feeling like asking for basic human interactions is asking too much. I’m done having you say showing up for someone in a way they need is “making a compromise” and that you’re the only one making any compromises at all. Because if you don’t believe in compromise and working things out then you’re not about a fair and equitable relationship. You want someone to take what you give and to be happy regardless. But no matter what in any relationship each person both has to make choices on what they can give leeway on, and it’s unrealistic to think a couple should act as two separate halves all the time.

I can’t be the one to try and bring you up, to lift you up and help you see what I’ve seen all along.

I remember when I’d send you songs. Songs that expressed my joy, hope, and love. And you’d just say “oh that’s sweet”. Then move on from that feeling I tried expressing in my obvious yet not in your face. I felt the music, the beats, the essence and would send it to you in hopes that you’d sense the same feelings I did. And my songs and playlists were met with apathy. I sent my warning signs. Sadder and sadder the playlists got. I set myself further and further away. And you wonder where the sweetness went. You wonder where my hope flew off to. And if you really wanted to you would have caught it in your hands, before that feeling left. You would have nurtured it. And felt what good things could have come. But that sweetness, turned cold and bitter. And all I’m left is with this empty pot of a feeling that I now realize will always be a cold abyss.

Why talk to you

When I know you’ll be the one

To speak for me