Unsent emails

Subject : No more 5/22/2021
i cant do this anymore. i cant.

i cant deal with the heartbreak and pain you bring me and the excuses and gaslighting. i just cant deal with it anymore. this time you broke my heart beyond repair. i was so broken before, i was depressed when we were just fwb. the whole just sex thing broke me down so much and i hurt for so long. especially when you let me stay over that night, let me shower. all you could think about was putting your hands all over me and attempt to have sex with me when all i needed was someone who gave a shit about me. yeah for the most part you did that night but i cant get over the fact you tried to fuck me at my lowest. like you were trying to take advantage of the whole situation. all i craved was to be close to you in a non sexual way that night. i wanted to experience a peaceful night, not waking up every half hour thinking someone was gonna knock on my window and question me or tell me to move along. and you still do it to me. wake me up wanting sex. when all i really want is physical intamacy and to feel a loving and caring touch. it kills me. it kills me deep down inside.


it was the reason i got into sugar in the first place. i figured if i culdnt have love i could at least trade youth and sex for things. i thought i could go on in life without having someone care about me and just ignore everything. And now the empty feeling is intensified. Because I’m still a whore for pay. I’m still not touched in the way I’ve craved. I’d rather not deal with the pain and rejection from you any longer. I’m done feeling like asking for basic human interactions is asking too much. I’m done having you say showing up for someone in a way they need is “making a compromise” and that you’re the only one making any compromises at all. Because if you don’t believe in compromise and working things out then you’re not about a fair and equitable relationship. You want someone to take what you give and to be happy regardless. But no matter what in any relationship each person both has to make choices on what they can give leeway on, and it’s unrealistic to think a couple should act as two separate halves all the time.

I can’t be the one to try and bring you up, to lift you up and help you see what I’ve seen all along.